Surgery

Steven's surgery was last Tuesday. His clavicle had almost an inch of bone burned off the end of it. I was terrified, he, was as cool as cucumber. Until we headed home of course. It took forever to clear from work, and get his RX filled. He also had a drip of Novocaine into the surgery site. So after about 2 days of constant Pain medications, Ice and sleeping, we headed back to the Dr. They said his arm looks great and he could even shower... I was thrilled. Unfortunately, that did not mean he could wash himself. But he has been fantastic to have around. Especially tonight. Catherine choked herself on a piece of ramen and was wheezing and if my wonderful husband had not been here I have no idea what I would have done. I kept crying and leaving the room. Thankfully, it was not nearly as bad as either of us was thinking it was. She coughed up the piece within a couple seconds and was improving, but I had already called 911. Of course it took them 20 minutes to get here and by then she was singing and dancing and thinking life was fine and I was a wreck and Steve was getting more meds in his system.. he had used the surgery arm for the heimlich. Terrible night, but it really shows how much I love for Steve to be around. He keeps everything together for me when I can't. He is simply amazing!

I think should have noticed it before, but tonight was the first time a realized something was off. Catherine was in her bath and Steve is in the field for another week and there I was sitting cross-legged on the floor reading Cate her nightly book. Tonight it was Tao Te Ching. Catherine is not even 2. The last book we read together... Leaves of Grass, and All of Shakespears Sonnets before that. When did I become the Smoothie-sipping, Early-morning-rising, Martha-stewart yoga-mommy?? Maybe I really feeled pushed to do so much and be so on top of everything because Steve really still is not home. Last week the one night we had any time to sit and talk we came to the conclusion that this is worse than deployment. We miss each other so much more than while he was gone because now, he has no set schedule, and when he is home is too exausted to help out or even hang out. He tried to send me home last month to have The baby, because he wanted to make sure someone was there to help and he doesnt think he can. But I know I simply could not leave him now, even if he does sleep all the time I see him.