I think should have noticed it before, but tonight was the first time a realized something was off. Catherine was in her bath and Steve is in the field for another week and there I was sitting cross-legged on the floor reading Cate her nightly book. Tonight it was Tao Te Ching. Catherine is not even 2. The last book we read together... Leaves of Grass, and All of Shakespears Sonnets before that. When did I become the Smoothie-sipping, Early-morning-rising, Martha-stewart yoga-mommy?? Maybe I really feeled pushed to do so much and be so on top of everything because Steve really still is not home. Last week the one night we had any time to sit and talk we came to the conclusion that this is worse than deployment. We miss each other so much more than while he was gone because now, he has no set schedule, and when he is home is too exausted to help out or even hang out. He tried to send me home last month to have The baby, because he wanted to make sure someone was there to help and he doesnt think he can. But I know I simply could not leave him now, even if he does sleep all the time I see him.